Friday, January 09, 2015

20 Struggles only an ENFP will understand.




I was reading off a thought catalog article, and I thought it is somewhat true hilarious to take a dig at myself on this.

According to the article, ENFPs (category based on myer briggs personality test), are passion-driven "ideas" people, who gain energy from interacting with the world around them.
Troubling problem would be the ENFPs dilemma where it is natural for ENFPs to love being around people, but yet crave for alone time much more than the average extrovert.

ENFPs also place great importance on personal freedom and self expression, and want to be able to go wherever that inspiration leads.

And therefore, according to the author, we are an exhausting personality to have, and here are some of our struggles that we would often face.

1. Getting your energy from social interaction, but disliking superficial conversations.
Yes I like parties, but a party full of contemplative people who want to alternate between taking shots and discussing the meaning of life can be quite an energy zapper!
The fun of it would be to sit and observe people. Observing people in a social setting is kind of a fun activity for me.

2. Being socially conscious but also fiercely individualistic.
This means always wanting to fit in with a group, but never wanting to compromise your personality to fit in.

3. The constant tug-of-war between 'YES! I WANT TO GO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!' and ' Wow, I need a lot of time to process these experiences, can I take a breather and just stone and recap for awhile?

4. Having a thousand great ideas that has never been followed through on.
:/
*guilty*

5. Regularly forgetting that your physical needs exist.
Yes, if I'm on work mode, we can forget about sleeping, eating and having a social life in general, until i'm done with what I need to do. I obsess over ideas, and if it needs to be worked out, its NOW. Not tomorrow, not later, not next year. Otherwise, it'll be scheduled to point 4, where it does not get a follow through on.
Hurhurhur.



6. Constantly contradiction yourself because you genuinely see multiple sides to most situation.
True. Working with me can be a nightmare, at the rate I change my mind and take on the situation from multi view. Its like watching a video on fast forward and rewind functions.
Tsk!
Sorry.

7. Stressing friends out and acquaintances who don't like straying from the original plan.
Oh my gosh, actually people like these would stress me out too, because I have to be boring and regimental with myself for them? :(
Imagine travelling with people that are from an alien tribe. For this, I am very selective with who I travel with or hang out with, for the sake of my own sanity.

8. Being a HUGE, UNSTOPPABLE FORCE of creativity and productivity an hour before the deadline. Oh yeah!
That's like the best motivation ever to see through a task. A Deadline.
Hahaha.

9. Getting bored 500 times faster than the average human being.
Hmmm true especially if i'm not doing what I want to do, I zone out and mentally entertaining myself with ideas and things I could do when i'm done with this boring shit...
Good thing is that, I rarely expose myself to activities that I dislike.
We are all masters of our own destiny, no?

10. Constantly biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing it out of stubbornness.
Well, no one's perfect right. Being stubborn can be a strength too alright!
With great powers comes great responsibilities. With great ideas, its the same too!

11. Working towards a constantly altering notion of your 'ideal self"
Yes I do that quite often. I am constantly in review of myself and personality and raising the expectations bar on myself. I sometimes also beat myself pretty bad and crawl into bed to hide feeling sad and under achieved and bounce back whenever I feel better and renewed.

12. When you have to complete a task that you simply cannot find a way to have fun.
Did I mention that ENFPs have an allergy to mundane and monotonous task?
It's painful.

13. Begrudgingly identifying Peter Pan as your spirit animal.
Well, I'm not a boy, but for someone who doesn't have to grow up and face adult problems, WHY NOT?

14. People underestimating your intelligence because you lead with the fun, upbeat parts of your personality.
Seriously, should I bore people with the mundane aspects of my life instead?
Example:
QN: how's life?
ANS: Oh I ate 2 nectarines and 3 kiwis and did not poop today.
I also ignored the dog for 2 hours because she was naughty and scratched my ass once, because i felt a little itch there.
Exciting much?
Hahahah, I find statements like this more bimbotic than anything else.

15. This appears to be similar to underestimating my intelligence, but 2 different points
Appearing shallow because of your tendency to flit from topic to topics in conversations with lightning speed. Now let's all refer to point 9 about being bored 500 times faster than most people.
Actually most people would just dismiss my inability to be still, as a hyper kid.
But hey! Like I said, my weakness and strengths is how one chooses to view it. Managing myself is the key.

I've been spring cleaning/ packing the house the past few days.
I essentially juggle between living room, dining room and bedroom.
My inability to focus on one location is bad, but hey! Shuffling between locations is a sort of focus too!
Hahaha.
Just that it drives my mom a little nuts to live with the mess everywhere.
*smirks*
But the end product = I get the job done, just differently.
Haha.

15. Needing significantly more time alone than other extraverted personalities.
Ahh yes. I did mention a couple of times to many friends, and in a few of my older entries that I am vaguely schizo and autistic at times.
Le bestie Adi calls it my alone time.
He says its extremely evident whenever I embark on my infamous shopping trips.
I allow no one to follow, and disappears from the group with a *poof* and eventually return back with bags and bags rustling in my hands, beaming.
Funny things he observes.
I can't shop with people around (exceptions with a few special ones). What can I do about it??
A girl's gotta recharge when she needs to recharge.

16. Others being surprised that you hold such strong opinions and beliefs, despite your easy going nature.
I dont compromise on my values and beliefs. If I think i'm right, I will fight tooth, nail, claw and yank some hair out, to protect.
Refer to point 2 on this.

17. Staying in a bad relationship because you focus on how things COULD BE, rather than how they are.
Oh the besties are all gonna give me dirty eyes on this one if they could congregate and bitch about this one.
Despite the advise and perspectives shared, and as much as I know deep within that things aren't working out, I will still do what I need to do to convince myself on the eventual outcome, because in life it's all about the experience. Besides, Point 10 states that I'm stubborn and often chewing more than what I can chew.
Haha!

BUT when I finally decide to leave.
I am an unstoppable force on this one and I'll never look back.
*Oops*

18. Having a fiercely independent streak, but getting bored without company.
That's yin and yang in my world. Everything has an equilibrium.
Alone time. Friends time, all in moderation.
Simple.


19 . People thinking you're looking for advise, when in reality you simply need to process things out loud.
Yup. Guilty as charged.

20. Being a walking contradiction in almost every way, but knowing that you wouldn't change a thing, even if you could.
Because that's just the way I am.
Hurhurhur.


One more paradox, that is rarely mentioned about ENFPs.  
Anger. 
It's anger or no anger.
ENFPs have the natural instinct to suppress and internalise anger, and are mostly dormant in temperament, until decompression sets in, and wham! 
Hot volcanic moltens can consume the entire village.
Claud calls it my 扮猪吃老虎 syndrome.
Which literally means acting like a pig, to eat the tiger.
A common way to describe someone who is seemingly nice and tame, but when necessary is capable of eating a tiger.
hurhurhur.
Scary stuff.

Monday, January 05, 2015

Moving on...

Hello there. 
I guess I'm back here for good. 

I've been wanting to write an entry for a while, but I have been blanking out for close to 2 months, floating in limbo mentally (emotionally as well, I guess)
Functioning, but not functioning. 
Oxymoronic description here, but do bear with me. :)
I hate to write negatively, hence the delay in writing anything.

2014 has got to be the biggest change in my life.
I've always spoken about embracing changes, but I've never quite anticipated the biggest change and loss that any human could ever possibly go through. 
That is, death- and the loss of a loved one.

Morbid topic alright, but instead of writing emotionally, I'll try to keep my writing short.
A lot of friends has been concerned about my emotional well being, and I spent a lot of time assuring people that I am alright. 

Well I AM alright. 
Surely, there are days where I do get emotional and cry and grieve and sob and all, when I get reminded of happy memories that I share with daddy or how if I could turn back time a little, I'd have chosen to spend just a little more time with him. Even if it's just 5 minutes. 
But Aiyah, I'm daddy's daughter. I am extremely sure he knows my "heart" even though I've never quite told him verbally. 

Back to being alright.
I've been told to give myself time to grieve.
I have to admit that I forced and expect myself to bounce back immediately, which does not seem quite correct to most, a little worrying perhaps.
But surely friends cannot expect me to cry 24/7 right? It's hard to explain to people how i feel. 
Emotionally flat. How does one even go about describing that?

Based on factory settings, I've been pre programmed to sleep off the bad emotions, whenever I feel less than awesome about life, I chose sleep over weeping my eyes out - since my eyes are already quite tiny naturally.
I am a sloth. Feel like shit, sleep and climb out on the right side of the bed. Awesome feeling from waking up, is like walking out of the house with 100% battery on the iPhone.
Fully charged, only to be drained quicker than anticipated.
Maybe, fighting to be positive takes up lots of energy?
*shrugs*
---

Work
I've been trying to work. But productivity isn't fantastic.
In fact, I do feel like a slug.
It's not a good enough excuse to function like a slug. But yet, if you really need to know, I fall asleep every now and then whenever I push myself to work. On good days, I'll just skip sleeping just to clear up the backlog.

Dog
The dog's taken to sleeping at the foot of my bed ALOT lately.
She used to fancy  the corners of the room, but I've lost count of the number of times that I've almost killed her, whenever I wake up to visit the loo with my eyes semi closed, and half stepped on a furry body.
I guess that is her way of keeping her eye on me.

Trixie has always been a little obsessed about me, and often checks on me when I am sleeping.
Every stir I make, she'll pad over to see if I'm alright.
Tiring job to be a Trixie doggy.
She's sweet in her own ways, and monstrous in many others.

Shopping
In line with feeling emotionally flat, retail therapy isn't doing its job to excite me.
Shopping usually cheers me up rather easily.
I can circle the mall like a vulture, and walk home empty.
ahhh #firstworldproblems :)

Family
We are all coping in our own ways.
Baby steps.
So much support, care and love from family and friends, sometimes I wonder what have we done, to deserve so much love this life.
I am thankful for all the hands that stretched out to me in one of our lowest point in life.
Of course there is minor disputes on how things should be done, and who isn't helpful.
But we pretty much work together as a team now, so that's a positive sign.

China
Le family made a trip in mid Dec to clear out the apartment.
It was a crazy cleaning trip, full of fur!
We ate, clean, packed and get fat.
Winding the operations there will take time, and a clear mind.
I will probably post up pictures of the china trip next.

Bunny
Bunny joined daddy exactly 1 month later.
Fella's lived to an old ripped age. 9 or 10 years old (We wouldn't know, since Bunny is adopted)
He passed away on my lap in the wee hours of the morning.
The next time I'll see him, I'd believe that the bugger would look like a ball, more than bunny bunny.
If there's any special talent that I did not inherit from my daddy, it would be #howtofattenyourpets and #Ihavefattypets
Yet another first world problem.
Hahaha.

#Ootd
Color ban for Outfits of the day has been lifted after #49days.
I am officially back to wearing anything I fancy. But I'm still hovering between Black, White, Grey, Blue and some pastel at best.
Still not in the mood to dress up UP.
These day I just randomly grab something decent and leave home that way.
I don't feel particularly impressed with myself at the moment, so let's not bother impressing anyone.
People still love me anyway, even if I look like shit (I think)

Spring cleaning
Clearing out dad's stuff at home is a bigger battle than China.
The directives in China was clear. Throw.
In Singapore, we're mixed. Should we keep the ashtray as remembrance, or should we throw.
The dust biting into my skin is awesome.
I've always spoken about being allergic to dust - but nothing beats the spring clean weekend.
I showered averagely about 5-6 times a day and still there was itch and random spiky pain from dust bites. Rwarrr!
I resorted to changing bedsheets in the middle of the night and washing the dog too.
Everything is dusty.

Alright.
Thats about all that I can thing of, and the "progresses" that I've made.
Not too emotionally wonky right?

Oh and happy 2015!

May the coming year be super awesome and filled with peaks, as I am working hard to climb out of the valley now :)

Cheers!