Hello there.
I guess I'm back here for good.
I've been wanting to write an entry for a while, but I have been blanking out for close to 2 months, floating in limbo mentally (emotionally as well, I guess)
Functioning, but not functioning.
Oxymoronic description here, but do bear with me. :)
I hate to write negatively, hence the delay in writing anything.
I hate to write negatively, hence the delay in writing anything.
I've always spoken about embracing changes, but I've never quite anticipated the biggest change and loss that any human could ever possibly go through.
That is, death- and the loss of a loved one.
Morbid topic alright, but instead of writing emotionally, I'll try to keep my writing short.
A lot of friends has been concerned about my emotional well being, and I spent a lot of time assuring people that I am alright.
Well I AM alright.
Surely, there are days where I do get emotional and cry and grieve and sob and all, when I get reminded of happy memories that I share with daddy or how if I could turn back time a little, I'd have chosen to spend just a little more time with him. Even if it's just 5 minutes.
But Aiyah, I'm daddy's daughter. I am extremely sure he knows my "heart" even though I've never quite told him verbally.
Back to being alright.
I've been told to give myself time to grieve.
I have to admit that I forced and expect myself to bounce back immediately, which does not seem quite correct to most, a little worrying perhaps.
But surely friends cannot expect me to cry 24/7 right? It's hard to explain to people how i feel.
Emotionally flat. How does one even go about describing that?
Based on factory settings, I've been pre programmed to sleep off the bad emotions, whenever I feel less than awesome about life, I chose sleep over weeping my eyes out - since my eyes are already quite tiny naturally.
I am a sloth. Feel like shit, sleep and climb out on the right side of the bed. Awesome feeling from waking up, is like walking out of the house with 100% battery on the iPhone.
Fully charged, only to be drained quicker than anticipated.
Maybe, fighting to be positive takes up lots of energy?
*shrugs*
---
Work
I've been trying to work. But productivity isn't fantastic.
In fact, I do feel like a slug.
It's not a good enough excuse to function like a slug. But yet, if you really need to know, I fall asleep every now and then whenever I push myself to work. On good days, I'll just skip sleeping just to clear up the backlog.
Dog
The dog's taken to sleeping at the foot of my bed ALOT lately.
She used to fancy the corners of the room, but I've lost count of the number of times that I've almost killed her, whenever I wake up to visit the loo with my eyes semi closed, and half stepped on a furry body.
I guess that is her way of keeping her eye on me.
Trixie has always been a little obsessed about me, and often checks on me when I am sleeping.
Every stir I make, she'll pad over to see if I'm alright.
Tiring job to be a Trixie doggy.
She's sweet in her own ways, and monstrous in many others.
Shopping
In line with feeling emotionally flat, retail therapy isn't doing its job to excite me.
Shopping usually cheers me up rather easily.
I can circle the mall like a vulture, and walk home empty.
ahhh #firstworldproblems :)
Family
We are all coping in our own ways.
Baby steps.
So much support, care and love from family and friends, sometimes I wonder what have we done, to deserve so much love this life.
I am thankful for all the hands that stretched out to me in one of our lowest point in life.
Of course there is minor disputes on how things should be done, and who isn't helpful.
But we pretty much work together as a team now, so that's a positive sign.
China
Le family made a trip in mid Dec to clear out the apartment.
It was a crazy cleaning trip, full of fur!
We ate, clean, packed and get fat.
Winding the operations there will take time, and a clear mind.
I will probably post up pictures of the china trip next.
Bunny
Bunny joined daddy exactly 1 month later.
Fella's lived to an old ripped age. 9 or 10 years old (We wouldn't know, since Bunny is adopted)
He passed away on my lap in the wee hours of the morning.
The next time I'll see him, I'd believe that the bugger would look like a ball, more than bunny bunny.
If there's any special talent that I did not inherit from my daddy, it would be #howtofattenyourpets and #Ihavefattypets
Yet another first world problem.
Hahaha.
#Ootd
Color ban for Outfits of the day has been lifted after #49days.
I am officially back to wearing anything I fancy. But I'm still hovering between Black, White, Grey, Blue and some pastel at best.
Still not in the mood to dress up UP.
These day I just randomly grab something decent and leave home that way.
I don't feel particularly impressed with myself at the moment, so let's not bother impressing anyone.
People still love me anyway, even if I look like shit (I think)
Spring cleaning
Clearing out dad's stuff at home is a bigger battle than China.
The directives in China was clear. Throw.
In Singapore, we're mixed. Should we keep the ashtray as remembrance, or should we throw.
The dust biting into my skin is awesome.
I've always spoken about being allergic to dust - but nothing beats the spring clean weekend.
I showered averagely about 5-6 times a day and still there was itch and random spiky pain from dust bites. Rwarrr!
I resorted to changing bedsheets in the middle of the night and washing the dog too.
Everything is dusty.
Alright.
Thats about all that I can thing of, and the "progresses" that I've made.
Not too emotionally wonky right?
Oh and happy 2015!
May the coming year be super awesome and filled with peaks, as I am working hard to climb out of the valley now :)
Cheers!
I am a sloth. Feel like shit, sleep and climb out on the right side of the bed. Awesome feeling from waking up, is like walking out of the house with 100% battery on the iPhone.
Fully charged, only to be drained quicker than anticipated.
Maybe, fighting to be positive takes up lots of energy?
*shrugs*
---
Work
I've been trying to work. But productivity isn't fantastic.
In fact, I do feel like a slug.
It's not a good enough excuse to function like a slug. But yet, if you really need to know, I fall asleep every now and then whenever I push myself to work. On good days, I'll just skip sleeping just to clear up the backlog.
Dog
The dog's taken to sleeping at the foot of my bed ALOT lately.
She used to fancy the corners of the room, but I've lost count of the number of times that I've almost killed her, whenever I wake up to visit the loo with my eyes semi closed, and half stepped on a furry body.
I guess that is her way of keeping her eye on me.
Trixie has always been a little obsessed about me, and often checks on me when I am sleeping.
Every stir I make, she'll pad over to see if I'm alright.
Tiring job to be a Trixie doggy.
She's sweet in her own ways, and monstrous in many others.
Shopping
In line with feeling emotionally flat, retail therapy isn't doing its job to excite me.
Shopping usually cheers me up rather easily.
I can circle the mall like a vulture, and walk home empty.
ahhh #firstworldproblems :)
Family
We are all coping in our own ways.
Baby steps.
So much support, care and love from family and friends, sometimes I wonder what have we done, to deserve so much love this life.
I am thankful for all the hands that stretched out to me in one of our lowest point in life.
Of course there is minor disputes on how things should be done, and who isn't helpful.
But we pretty much work together as a team now, so that's a positive sign.
China
Le family made a trip in mid Dec to clear out the apartment.
It was a crazy cleaning trip, full of fur!
We ate, clean, packed and get fat.
Winding the operations there will take time, and a clear mind.
I will probably post up pictures of the china trip next.
Bunny
Bunny joined daddy exactly 1 month later.
Fella's lived to an old ripped age. 9 or 10 years old (We wouldn't know, since Bunny is adopted)
He passed away on my lap in the wee hours of the morning.
The next time I'll see him, I'd believe that the bugger would look like a ball, more than bunny bunny.
If there's any special talent that I did not inherit from my daddy, it would be #howtofattenyourpets and #Ihavefattypets
Yet another first world problem.
Hahaha.
#Ootd
Color ban for Outfits of the day has been lifted after #49days.
I am officially back to wearing anything I fancy. But I'm still hovering between Black, White, Grey, Blue and some pastel at best.
Still not in the mood to dress up UP.
These day I just randomly grab something decent and leave home that way.
I don't feel particularly impressed with myself at the moment, so let's not bother impressing anyone.
People still love me anyway, even if I look like shit (I think)
Spring cleaning
Clearing out dad's stuff at home is a bigger battle than China.
The directives in China was clear. Throw.
In Singapore, we're mixed. Should we keep the ashtray as remembrance, or should we throw.
The dust biting into my skin is awesome.
I've always spoken about being allergic to dust - but nothing beats the spring clean weekend.
I showered averagely about 5-6 times a day and still there was itch and random spiky pain from dust bites. Rwarrr!
I resorted to changing bedsheets in the middle of the night and washing the dog too.
Everything is dusty.
Alright.
Thats about all that I can thing of, and the "progresses" that I've made.
Not too emotionally wonky right?
Oh and happy 2015!
May the coming year be super awesome and filled with peaks, as I am working hard to climb out of the valley now :)
Cheers!
