Which is a pretty good topic.
I did some light googling, and in the psych site point of view, it says:
Resentment refers to the mental process of repetitively replaying a feeling, and the events leading up to it, that goads or anger us.
In resentment, it excludes the cool facts and in it, we re-experience and relive them in ways that affects us emotionally, physiologically and spiritually in very destructive ways.
The inability to overcome resentment probably contributes to the disintegration of intimate connection with family, friendship or even a loved one.
The dictionary states that
Resentment is a mixture of disappointment, anger and fear.
As the surprise of injustice becomes less frequent, so too does anger and fear fade - leaving disappointment as the predominant emotion.
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We caught the cartoon "inside out" recently, as part of the mother's birthday celebration programs.
In it, le boyfriend made an interesting observation that each character's emotion is led by a different leader.
In the case of Riley, the young girl - hers is Joy.
While her mom's emotion leader is sadness, and while her dad's emotion leader is Anger.
Which leads to the question of what is your emotion leader?
I thought about it and .... I have yet to conclude.
The sister said mine could possibly be Anger, or Disgust.
I thought about it.
Anger - yes. I am an angry person by nature.
I was angry about many things.
About the way things are - I hated the conventional way of how things are.
How the society places a high emphasis on grades, schools, climbing up the corporate and social level.
I hated being compared to. etc
Disgust seems to be best friends too - anger and disgust seems to be a fine line.
I get disgusted by people's behaviour, lack of ethics, lack of character etc.
It goes hand in hand in the dirty business of being caught in the rat race.
I probably did mention this in passing, but over the years, I did work on Anger a lot, and let my anger take a back seat.
I tried to work on being a happier person, and a more positive version of myself.
Yet, if I were to honestly ask myself, I would not say that my emotional leader is Joy.
I would probably say that by not allowing myself to "explode" whenever I am unhappy about matters.
In short, I suppress and internalize my anger.
In anycase, It's waaaaay too complicating to analyse ME.
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Going back to the topic of Resentment.
Perhaps, resentment is a better word to describe, and in it, I'm making conscious effort to figure out my trigger, and progress to let go of it. I'm still making time to understand myself, and working on it, and in turn - work on my anger.
After all, awareness is the mother of first steps in making changes.
According to the guide, and reading up on what it says,
Some I'll agree, and some does not make sense to me.... but since I'm writing it out for sharing, here it goes!
10 Steps to Letting Go of Resentment
- Approach resentment as the addictive state of mind it is.
- Realize that you are using resentment to replicate old dramas and acknowledge that you cannot change the past.
- Examine how your resentment may come from mentally confusing people in your present life with people from your past.
- Acknowledge that you cannot control those who have rejected you.
- Recognize that your resentment gives you only illusions of strength. Instead, highlight and validate your real strength and power.
- Learn to identify signals that provoke resentment. Apply the acronym HALT, widely used in 12-step programs: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.
- Practice cognitive behavioral techniques to stop indulging in resentment. Put a thought between your feelings of resentment and indulging in ruminating about them.
- Acknowledge your part in allowing the abuse to occur, forgive yourself for that, and make a decision to not let it occur again.
- Declare an amnesty with the person you resent and with yourself.
- Forgive when you can, and practice willful and deliberate forgetfulness when you cannot, keeping in mind that these acts are gifts to yourself rather than capitulation to the people you resent.
Hopefully this is useful.
and til my next realisation, time for me to get back to work!
