It's one of those iponder sort of days, and I figured that I came a long way with this blog.
It has been slightly over 10 years, as I lay out bits of my life here.
I randomly clicked through old post, and it struck me how much I have changed over the years...
despite the fact that I insist. I am very much still the same ole Daphne.
I did so much growing up over the years, that often, I miss the laid back bummerina who is rather happy in her own little bubble.
Comparatively to the person that I have become in recent years,
I would say that my world has shifted.
Greater responsibilities - check! (I'm not quite sure about greater powers though..)
#punny #spidey
--
I become less self centred, and more people centric - I think!
But I am still very stubborn and am not easily coherced or swayed into group thinking.
I am still thick-headedly in love with myself.
--
I share less about myself online, than I did years ago.
Partly from writer's block, topic block - seriously its a fine line between over sharing my life,
and boring people about my life lately.
In sharing less about myself, I do feel less vulnerable in meeting or exposing myself to nonsense from people in general.
People who would abuse what I would write, and twist it into an entirely new plot.
I wrote something about being unhappy about my pigmentation a few post ago, and the next day I kana upsell left, right, centre, and down on some MLM skincare products.
that's it. I have enough!
*slams door*
seriously... its not up to anyone to talk down to me, just because I casually nitpick on myself.. its not an open license to address my issues to me.
If I did not ask you about it, I don't think your views matter to me.
In fact, if I counter pick, I doubt we'll still be friends after I'm done.
heheh..
--
I learn to "unfollow" people who do not value add into my life.
I try to open my world to the skies out there.
It seems to me that very little people are updating their blogs much.
Focusing a lot of Dayre, instagram.
I signed up for Dayre - but I can't bring myself to "report" what I did on a daily basis.
Even my own mom does not demand this of me, how can I.... do this online?
lol.
Instagram, however seem to have kept its foothold on me.
It's like a free subscription magazine for me with no limits, no censorship, visual fest I must say!
*sings a whole new world*
However, there is one big rule that I lay down strictly.
I do not follow my friends (with the exception of good friends, boyfriend, interesting friends etc)
Imagine having to scroll through Facebook to get myself updated, and opening up instagram to see the same set of stuff all over again.
*rolls eyes*
Why would I need to see something twice over?? crazy right..
The entire idea of social media is to entertain myself.
Not study my friends like a text book.
I'm not doing politically correct moves, just to please people.
I'm not fake that way.
But if my girls specifically request for me to follow them, I will.
I'm not a meanie. I understand that numbers matter to them for advertising purposes.
I Digress...
I speak Mandarin more fluently now - from my countless trips to China.
I scold people pretty well in my mother language, and I pick up new catch phrases while I'm there.
It still takes me a while to change back from language to language preference whenever I'm back.
It's not like I'm incapable of insta-switch. But speaking normally takes a while, change of lingo, attitude etc.
--
My hair becomes boring, my dressing becomes boring, my nails looks like shit half the time (because i used up my energy dust to focus on something else, rather than to have pretty nails every week now)
The nails thingie came from an observation made by Caroline.
I utterly surprised her with my chipped up nails when I met her for tea.
Compared to how I used to be back in SIM days - I'd say my nails are always pristine and freshly manicured with new design in the past.
Now, only when I'm up for it, or i'd just stick to french mani in loud, happy colours.
Wahhhhh I feel like an old hag, thinking about this.
:(
Spend less time playing and creating random craft projects...
well... I gave up some of my favourite stuff in exchange for other lessons in life...
like checking emails...
sending out packages for Addadress..
catch up on sleep..
spend proper time with friends and family and trixie
most importantly, keep up with the day dreaming.
Man without dreams, is like bird without wings.
I mentioned this in 2009 and 2014
Both were consistent in fretting about my career path and choosing the option of the less treaded path.
Some days, I wondered if I would be better off, taking up a normal job, drawing monthly salaries with limited worries.
The rest of the days, I'd be like Never!
As le boyfie points out to me...
waking up early to beat the morning traffic (to make it to office on time) will probably be my biggest motivation in doing what I do.
Fighting to squeeze into public transport, or beating the crowd, takes a huge toll on me...
my mood dips terribly, my energy level depletes tremendously, I get grouchy and scream at people.
Whenever I happen to be in train stations during rush hour, I'll always have the urge to take a picture of the over-pouring/overwhelming human moving along escalators, and caption
It's the end of the world! Run for your dear lives!!
Good lord.
I am thankful for what I have been tasked to do at this point in my life.
In a blink, it's approaching the end of the year.
Where have all the time gone? What have I accomplished?
I feel like a snail.
In about 2 more months, Daddy would have been gone for a year.
It does not feel like I've made much progress emotionally, but I must have, in my own weird ways..
I stopped questioning about his sudden departure.
Surely everything happens for a reason, even if I cannot fathom it now.
I think I'm okay now, singing his favourite songs at KTV.
that I can talk about daddy normally without cracking up.. I am also quite skilled in changing topics conversationally when it gets touchy.
However, I do get moodier before my trips to China.
It is something that I cannot avoid.
I visited the area that he passed away in my recent trip, and I'd be reminded of things he tells me, and what he has done for me. Sometimes it gets a little painful, after all, China memories with dad seems pretty specific for me. In singapore, it is more like a shared property with the siblings and mom, if you get what I mean.
With daddy gone, It does get pretty awesome perk wise tho.
Whenever I head over to the temple, aside from saying hello to the gods, and thank them for taking care of all my precious and I,
I'd also throw in an additional liner for them to send my regards over for daddy.
#godiscool #moreAirtimewiththegods
Also, It's like the 7th month (hungry ghost festival) right now, and I feel no fear!
Hey! my daddy's here to protect me. I'll just need to scream Daddy! and he'll appear to smack the ghost away.
Wahahahah. wtf!
(kidding)
Whenever I'm in China, in the past - I'll stay out anything from midnight to 3am, either working in the office, massage, KTV, supper, movies, bunk into random hotels with friends and crawl my way back home to daddy's at 6am in the morning.
Uhuh..
In recent trips without daddy around, I will get nagged at alot more about being back in the hotel before 11pm. -_-"
Alright. in response to my past activities,
I now watch tv in my own room and press my own feet singing all by myself~ by Celine Dion.
lol.
In truth, I'll just raid the supper stalls located right outside my hotel, and stuff myself silly with the cheap yummy food until my tummy forbids me from eating more.
#cheapEntertainmentInchina
As I was saying earlier, I was in China on the first day of the 7th month.
Mom texted me a reminder to be back early. I detect additional smugness in her text.
It's as if the hungry ghost festival gave her reminder a 10% power up.
Tsk.
In anycase, I kind of fancy the idea that Daddy's back at home hovering around, enjoying and doing his own thing, and I also noticed that the dog is sitting/begging to blank spaces of late.
Its only something that she does, when people are talking to her, or when she wants something (usually food) from me.
Now she does it at a far distance from me. Like sits outside my room, when i'm in the kitchen?
I'm not trying to spook anyone out here, but its just a new trend I noticed with le doggles.
Alright, enough rattling.
It's odd, I shan't share to scare.
I need to get back to work, or crawl into bed.
adios
