On the final day of Granny's funeral,
We engaged the services of a band, van, and many other stuff.
Sending my granny off, the last ceremony prompted all the feelings that I've bottled up to burst.
I cried, wailed, and sobbed.
What difference would it make?
She's gone.
Taking my final look at her, she's turned alittle greyer as each day passes, that's when reality really sinks in.
The only granny that I've ever knew. She dotes on me no matter how naughty I am, how I love her home brewed soup, her food, and her endless chatter.
Recalling the days when I lived with her, I was her unofficial secretary..
She would routinely call for me before she starts cooking dinner.
"girl ah... who's not eating dinner tonight?" in chinese.
I would in turn rattle off the dinner attendance, telling her who would not be home for dinner, who's gone out and many other what nots.
I spent every living moment tagging along to wherever she goes.
Market, visit friends and relatives. I was practically her shadow.
I recalled once, when I was quite sick, mommy had to chase me round the house, juggling the the spoonful of medicine. No matter how much chasing, cajoling, and threats.
I refused the medicines.
Until I saw granny with her basket.. I knew she was going off to the market.
I was only allowed to tag along, on the condition that I finish up my cocktail of medication.
I loved her that much.
I understood Hokkien as young as a young age of three and was able to eavesdrop on granny's conversation with my grandpa.( I had pior training over at my baby sitter's house),
Desperate, they had to converse in Malay, when they wanna discuss secret topics -
Like how to sneak out when your grand daughters not looking.
There was also the time when I had mumps at age 4 or 5 years old.
Grandma brought me to the chinese doc.
They believe that by writing the chinese "Tiger" on my cheeks, the mumps would go away,
for the fact that mumps was a "pig skin" ailment.
Therefore, the pig will be eaten away.
It's silly, but she believed in it.
Back to the ceremony.
It's a pretty grand thing, with the band playing weird songs that i've never heard of, while we trailed after the van that was carrying her coffin.
In socks.
We walked for a short while, boarded the hired bus and headed over to Mandai Crematorium.
The place is pretty posh.
Nicely decorated, with open toilet concept just like the zoo, and the service hall reminds me of a cathedral.
I really wonder how I could take in so much details in a distraught state of mind.
I was crying intemittenly...with intervals where I would chat with my cousins, then weeped
Is this actually normal to be happy, sad, happy, sad?
I guess the worst part of the event was when the coffin making it's way to the furnace.
Everyone was crying, yelling.
Heart wenching, for we couldn't bear to see the coffin disappear from our sight.
The coffin disappears into a little tunnel and i was crying really badly, not sobbing nor was it tears strolling across your face.
It was loud sobs, or wails that came from me.
We left shortly after most of us have calmed down, for a temple in Bedok called "wan fo lin", Forest of ten thousands of gods.
That's where her tablet would be placed in temporarily, until 49 days later, she'll be shifted to yet another temple in Hougang, called "wan fo tang" , Hall of ten thousands of Gods.
Mommy and Daddy went to collect her ashes this morning.
I couldn't bear to go through the process of picking up her remains, so i opted for the cowardy way out...to stay at home and hide under the blankets.
Sleep seems to be the route away from reality recently, together with hanging out with friends.
But life goes on. Occupying myself with what i can wear, what I can't wear, digging out all the black stuff from my wardrobe, ironing out all the white stuff that I've worned, and I'm pretty shocked at all the black stuff that I haven't been wearing.
They've been so neglected.
I am relieved that my granny has gone on to a better place.
That she no longer needs to be trapped in her body.
2 years of "sleeping" is a tough torture.
God has his ideas for each and everyone of us, and i do believe that everything happens for a purpose, though i've never been brought up with any particular religion, but seriously, don't you think so?
- was pondering over it after watching Constantine. You guys should catch it, if you haven't already caught it.
