You know.
Firstly, being an asian, it's goddamnimportant to have a boy to carry the family name.
and sometimes I catch my mom telling me that if only I were a boy..
So logically it'd be cost saving/efficient/ plus my character's pretty much like a boy especially when I work myself into an anger fit. I cuss like friggin pirate and get pretty scary.
So whenever I get into one of my angst pirate cussing mood. My mom would say to herself..should have been a boy.
tsk.
Sometimes I wished I were a boy, so that I'll never be seen as the weaker sex.
Never be bullied. Clawed. hair being yanked at. NEVER be told.. you're just a girl pooh!
My mom's the "world peace" sort of woman, I being brought up with rainbows and unicorns I never knew what it was like to enter hell until she sent me to play school in a church, because back then only selective schools had pre-nursey.
My earliest memory as a kid consist of little scenes about being shoved around by the bigger boys in the class. I was probably only 3 years old.
They were vicious to me.
Just because I was nice to be bullied.
Just because I wouldnt comply to their demands.
My mom would randomly recall that I refused to go to school because my classmates kept pulling my hair etc. and I insisted that my grandpa would have to accompany me to school.
Grandpa escorted me all the way til my birthday (she bribed me with a birthday cake. and my birthday is in February and school term starts in January.)
Do the math and tell me when did the bullying start?
I wouldn't go to school just because I hated being near boys.
I hated being with people.
But I wised up and learnt to fight back. (Otherwise how you reckon I survive the rest of my school days?!)
I grew up with cousins 3 boys of the same age (amongst other 19 cousins in total).
Comparisons was aplenty. Fought with them, over stickers, furniture, icecream flavours, scale up the door frame quickest, first dips to the toilet.
Getting fingers slammed whatever.
The spunk in me, came from that fact that I'll never win, if boys play rough. But you dont get away with glee/spotlessly clean from bullying me either.
I'll never measure up in strength
And I'm always told. You're just a girl. You should not be fighting with them.
But what? Sit around and let them pull my hair? Call me names? Steal my stationaries, snatch my stickers.
Sorry no.
I vowed as young as I could remember that I will NEVER be a pushover again.
That I may not measure up physically, but mentally, you'll never get me down.
Bicycle racing with neighbour. I flew and hurt my face, elbows and knees on the concrete road.
Went home and got a lashing from the mother because i'm a girl. What if the scar on the face stays and never fades blahblahblah.
Sorry.
I'd rather die trying and scarred, than to be humilated. taunted. bullied.
just because I'm physically a girl does not mean that I've lost.
There's a difference between being a "loser" and a loser.
"loser" refers to people who are mentally ill disciplined.
"I cannot"
"I Cant"
You have not even tried, and you say you can't?!!
Of course you lost.
and Losing after competing out giving your best.
That's proper losing.
Besides, if you want something bad enough, you would do whatever it takes to attain it.
Someone snatched your stuff away and you shrug it off?
You must not have liked your stuff enough to stand up and fight to get it back.
Road bully my mom when she's driving?
Steal her parking lot outright.
My mom likes world peace much? Nevermind, her daughter's around.
Bully my brother in school.
I rallied hard that he learnt Taekwondo. and I promised I'll bail him out from school if shit happens (like if he ever fights back in school).
Because I'd rather he knows how to fight back, than be beaten up alive and scarred forever and regret not learning how to fight and defend himself.
If war comes to your face. you stare at it right in the face.
I do not waste time feeling sorry for myself.
I stand up tall, I stand up strong and I move on.
For I cannot be meek and submissive and allow bullying to happen in my face without fighting back.
I looked at myself in the mirror and swear this is the last time I'll be treated like this again
The broken trust and being hurt in more ways that I can ever think of.
You must be proud of yourself now.
#feminist
#proudtobefemale
#lucky i'm chinese and not Taliban
